


Heart of Ice

by Purplepoctopus



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-27
Updated: 2015-04-27
Packaged: 2018-03-26 00:05:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3829855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Purplepoctopus/pseuds/Purplepoctopus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the first RivaMika Jam on Tumblr! The prompt I received was: Levi wants to give Mikasa a gift and Levi asks Mikasa's friends and fellow squad members (The gift Levi gives could be what ever you wish!)</p><p> </p><p>Sometimes the simplest gifts are the best.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heart of Ice

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm posting this relatively late on the due date, and I still am not particularly happy with how this turned out. I kind of struggled with it, as my finals are coming up and those have been a distraction. Still, I hope you enjoy reading it!

            Her hands were always cold, no matter how long he held them in his. He had noticed this early on, when she was still young and their fingers had barely brushed while they both reached for the same rag to clean up the blood that Jaeger inconveniently left all over the floor. He couldn’t stand to see the mess on the slowly decaying wood and she couldn’t stand to see Eren hurt. “Cold hands.” He had mumbled, but she just looked away.

            “Like yours are any better, Heichou.” She had said. And maybe that was why he could never warm them. They were just like his, forged from the same fire: the fire of loss and strength and regret. The same fire that had made them grow up too fast. Maybe the blood on their hands was what kept in the chill, a frost in their souls boring down into their bones.

The titans were the obvious monsters, the ones that had taken their friends. However everyone seemed numb to the monsters amongst them. The ones that had killed and the ones that would spill blood again. Mikasa could see it. Could see the weight in his eyes with every step that he took. The man that she had once hated—hated before she had realized that they were one in the same.

            “Back to work, brat.” He had muttered, forgoing the task of cleaning the floor even though he knew she wouldn’t do it right and he’d have to come back and fix it later. For the moment, he had to deal with Kirstein and the black eye he would be sporting for the next week.

            When Levi had returned to check Mikasa’s work, he stopped himself short of the doorway. He could see her attending to Jaeger’s wounds, even though they would disappear by nightfall, dabbing at the blood on his face while the boy pinched his heavily bleeding nose. Eren was resisting Mikasa’s help, squirming like a child in an attempt to get away from her, and Levi couldn’t help but feel something rise up inside of him like a sudden storm. “Ackerman! Did you even try to clean this shit up off the floor?” She lifted her head to give him a stern glare, especially since she had managed to wipe away most of the blood that hadn’t stained the wood.

            “Yes.” Mikasa snapped. Her tone caused Eren to release the cloth from his nose, now caked with drying blood. Levi glared at her, and she rolled her eyes in response. “Yes, _sir_.”

            “It doesn’t look like you did a damned thing besides baby Jaeger.” With every moment she grew more and more angry, but Levi didn’t seem to care because it got her away from the titan brat and for some reason that settled his nerves. “Now scrub these stains out until your fingers bleed, or I’ll have you shoveling shit in the stables for a week.”

            “If my fingers bleed, _Sir_ , wouldn’t that defeat the purpose of cleaning the floor?” Levi was used to Ackerman’s smart mouth and the way she blatantly defied his instructions ninety percent of the time. Her recklessness had gotten him injured—it could have gotten several more soldiers killed. She was trouble with a capital T, but she was the woman worth 100 soldiers. Mikasa Ackerman could draw on the commander’s face while he was asleep and she would get out with nothing more than a slap on the wrist. They needed her. Levi knew that.

            She was barely nineteen, her hair long grown out and hanging down her back in deep inky cascades. He had met her when she was practically still a child—a defiant _brat_ who would end up being the biggest liability on the field if she didn’t just shut up and listen. Jaeger was her weakness. He always was. Now she was a full-grown woman, slated to receive a promotion to squad leader somewhere in the near future. She could easily replace him with a few more years under her belt, especially since he wasn’t getting any younger. Hanji had taken to calling him “old man” after his long-healed injury started acting up whenever there was rain coming.

            “Heichou,” Mikasa said as she ground the rag deeper into the grain of the wood, “you’re staring.” He hadn’t realized it, but he had been. Levi grumbled and stomped down the hall, returning to his quarters with a slam of the door behind him. There was a violent pinching in his leg, enough to make him bend over and rub it until the cramping calmed down.

            “Not rain again.” He mumbled before crashing down on his mattress, counting down the minutes until supper. It was strange. Seeing Jaeger and Ackerman had made him _angry_. As if he should be the one that she cleaned up, even though Levi would never be as careless as to lose to _Kirstein_.

He could hear the sound of horse hooves beating down on the ground outside his window, followed by a loud crack of thunder. Levi groaned in annoyance, as rain would mean that the other scouts would end up tracking mud through the castle and he would be the only one willing to clean the mess up. Rain also meant that his leg wouldn’t cease its stiffness any time soon, and he hated having to limp around while Springer and Braus made comments about it. Then again, it would give him some manpower to help him clean up the mud.

Levi was quite lost in thought when he heard a knock on his door, which prompted another groan from him. “Go away.” He muttered, but the door clicked open. There was a faint echo of a few footsteps, followed  by the sound of the door slamming shut behind the intruder. “I _said_ go awa—Ackerman?”

“I finished cleaning the floor, Sir.” She had her hands crossed tightly over her chest, so much so that he couldn’t see if she had actually scrubbed until her fingers bled. Mikasa wasn’t wearing her jacket, and the sleeves of her military-issue oxford were rolled up past her elbows to try to keep them from getting dipped and drenched in the cool water of the washbucket. Most importantly, she was still wearing her ugly scarf. For some time Levi had wondered if her head would come rolling off if he were to unravel the fabric. He had never seen her wash it. It probably smelled like horse shit or titan shit or dead meat putrefying on the horizon. Levi swallowed, trying to block out the images of just who the rotting corpses belonged to.

“And? You want a fucking medal?” He was being short with her; shorter than usual, especially since she looked completely disinterested and all he wanted to do was wipe that smug look off of her face.

“I figured you would like to inspect it, _Sir._ ” The last syllable flew out of her mouth like hot venom, and he desperately wanted to do something but there was also a part of him that didn’t want to move from his spot on the bed. “Or is that beyond you at the moment?” The moment the words flew out of Mikasa’s mouth she regretted them, though she rarely regretted anything. He rushed to his feet and assumed an intimidating stance, though his lack of height detracted from it somewhat.

“Ackerman.” Levi seethed. Mikasa did nothing but look dead into his eyes, her stare cold and unwavering.

“Heichou.” She could tell that he was hurting, as he was favoring his good leg and also because there was a heavy staccato of rain pounding against the hardened stone walls. Everything seemed damp and full of despair, and never before had Levi ever wanted someone to tend to him than in that moment. Instead, he mumbled something under his breath and ordered her to leave. For once, she listened.

\--

Her fingers froze his face as her fist made contact with his jaw. His voice still rung in her ears, echoing inside of her skull like the screech of a titan. “You’re not the only one who has lost someone, brat.” He had said, even though he knew that she was filled to the brim with grief. Levi figured it was better for her to do something stupid here in their base, rather than by running out and getting herself killed.

“He was my _family_.” Mikasa had cried, sinking to her knees while Levi just watched. His fingers covered the bruise quickly blooming on his face, a galaxy of purples and reds that would probably smart for days. “He was all I had!”

He wanted to tell her that she was being stupid. Jaeger wasn’t all that she had. She had the squad and she had Armin and she had _him_. But he would never say it. To Mikasa Ackerman, Eren Jaeger was the only thing that mattered and that bothered him more than it ever should. He wished she knew the pain that he carried in his chest every day, the guilt of sending hundreds of good people to their deaths. The guilt of watching his best friends— _his_ family die because of his own selfishness. His heart ached for her, but at the same time his blood boiled within him.

She went in for another grief-laden punch, but this time he caught her wrist before she could make contact. Her free hand moved to strike when the other could not, but he caught that too. Now Levi had both of her wrists in his solid grasp, his deep blue eyes locked on her empty grays. She struggled against his grasp, but he held her firm. “Get ahold of yourself, Ackerman!” He had snapped, but she wasn’t sure how to do that anymore. Mikasa Ackerman was one of humanity’s strongest, the last of humanity’s last hope, and there she was struggling to breathe.

“Heichou, please.” The last bit of her crumbling façade withered away, leaving several tears streaking down her face. He was confused and didn’t know what to do. There he was, holding the wrists of a girl he had watched grow into a woman, while she cried about her dead brother. Part of him felt a pang of jealousy. He wondered if anyone would react the same way if he were to die. Would they cry, or would they just be glad that they wouldn’t have to deal with his piss-poor attitude anymore?

“ _What_? Ackerman, what do you want from me? I can’t bring him back. Not even Hanji could do that, even though they’re our resident mad scientist. He’s gone. Now suck it up and be a _soldier_.” He dropped her arms and went to turn away, but she grabbed him back. There was Mikasa Ackerman, burying her face into his chest while letting out a much-needed cry. He was stiff in trying to comfort her, his hand awkwardly patting her back even though he wanted her off of him. “Tch. Don’t get your snot all over my cravat.”

But there was something still strange about the whole thing. She had sought him out first. She had banged on his door incessantly while Levi tucked away another set of bloodied and clipped wings into the box. It was him that she had looked for, not Arlert or Braus or any of the other brats from the 104th that she seemed to get along with. Maybe it was because she knew he wouldn’t coddle her—that he would set her straight and send her on her way. But here he was with a bruising jaw and a crying girl and not much of an idea as for what to do about it.

There was a small quiver in his chest; a hollow ache that wouldn’t seem to go away. He had sent another young soul to his death, left him another nameless corpse mangled by the hands and teeth of titans. He had failed her. All those years ago he had promised her that he would protect Eren Jaeger from harm, and now he had to look her in the eye knowing that he had lied.

The guilt contained inside of his chest grew every day, to the point where he knew there had to be some way to bridge the gap between him and Mikasa. “Why don’t you get her a gift?” Hanji had suggested with a shrug of their arms while Levi calmly sipped tea. He hadn’t asked Hanji for advice. In fact, they had suggested it themselves while Levi scowled at the kettle.

“Yes, because giving her flowers will definitely make up for the fact that I sent her brother to die.” Levi’s voice was low and uncharacteristically shaky. There was something—something about Mikasa that he couldn’t shake. She was strong, beautiful… the most brilliant soldier in the corps besides himself. And while a gift wouldn’t make up for anything that he had put her through… he couldn’t help but want to follow through with the idea. He just would never admit it to Hanji.

The first person that Levi went to was Armin, who was sitting in a corner of the castle and reading a book. His blonde hair was wisped in his eyes, though it didn’t seem to bother him much. “Arlert.” Levi barked, and the blonde nearly shot up five feet in the air with surprise.

“Captain!” Armin replied as he scrambled to his feet. The boy sprung up and poised himself in the proper salute, which only made Levi roll his eyes.

“At ease.” Levi considered turning back. But instead, he was about to ask one of Mikasa’s closest friends about what she would like as a gift. It was embarrassing, possibly even distasteful. Either way, Armin quickly noticed the blush spreading on the Captain’s cheeks.

“Captain, are you okay?” Armin was relatively concerned, but Levi brushed him off quickly.

“I’m fine. Arlert! If you were to suggest a present for Ackerman, what would it be?” He cringed as soon as the words left his mouth, the embarrassment quickly taking hold. Armin, ever the one to ask questions, grew a quizzical look on his face.

“Mikasa? Why are you asking about her?” Armin closed his book and placed it down on the table beside him, its leather cover making a soft pat as it connected with the table’s wood. “I don’t really know what she would like as a gift. She doesn’t really like bells and whistles you know.”

“You’re no help, Arlert.” Levi grumbled before storming off down the hall, leaving Armin dazed and confused and alone as he went back to his reading.

\--

Mikasa never realized the chill that the Captain’s hands held, even though she had been sparring with him for months in an attempt to strengthen herself while they fought to liberate humanity from the titans’ grasp. She never noticed them until he had her pinned to the floor; hand to wrist, hand to wrist. Her breath came out in long spurts, her chest heaving up and down while the air smoked out of her lungs from the chill. It was a breathless feeling, though she wasn’t sure if it was from her landing or from the cold or from the piercing blue eyes boring into her.

She wanted to hate him; wanted to rip the skin from his flesh and tear the flesh from his bones until she could feel something, _anything_ other than grief and guilt. She hated him more than any titan and yet…

Levi was never gentle with her, never coddled her. He would throw her into difficult situations with the only reason being that she was the only one that he could trust to do them and get out alive. Mikasa Ackerman was a marvel, and he couldn’t thank Eren Jaeger enough. Without him, she never would have arrived on the Survey Corps’ doorstep. Without her there, the numbers of the dead would be even higher. The course of humanity’s history was changed just because of her. It fascinated him—made him think about his own story.

They locked eyes and Mikasa’s heart began to race even faster. His entire weight was bearing down on her, muscular and solid, even for his short stature. Moving was a near-impossible fantasy, though she tried anyway. Her attempts at rolling were unsuccessful, as her hips were pinned down and he was only a hairsbreadth away from her. She could feel his breath on her skin, hot and calm in contrast to the icy air. His lips were so close to hers, so much so that she would be lying if she said she wasn’t at least thinking about closing the gap. Instead he grumbled under his breath and stood up, wiping the dust off of his pants before standing in the doorway to the castle.

“Get up, Ackerman.” He was loud and booming. Of course she could hear him, but her head was clouding over with so many conflicting thoughts. She had just thought about _kissing_ the Captain. Her eyes were now locked on his though they quickly wandered to look at his lips, curled in an ever-present frown. “What are you staring at, brat?”

Mikasa broke her stare and looked away at the frosted grass. “Nothing, _Sir_.” She muttered as she got to her feet, allowing the chill to take over her again. Now that she wasn’t fighting, wasn’t sweating and boiling her blood in an effort to prove herself to the Captain that she was worthy of her epithet. The woman worth 100 soldiers. She fidgeted with the scarf around her neck, long worn thin, trying to keep some of her body heat in.

It was times like these that she wished she paid more attention to grabbing her mantle before going outdoors, especially in this weather, but it was a skill that Mikasa had failed to acquire even after all these years. Even though she was freezing down to her bones, she kept her cool. Mikasa Ackerman wasn’t one to whine about uncomfortable outdoor temperatures, not when she had seen her closest friends slaughtered in front of her eyes. There were more pressing things to worry about than a little cold.

“Ackerman! Get inside before you get yourself and everyone else sick. I won’t be wiping up your _snot_ if you end up catching something.” Levi rolled his eyes and Mikasa followed him inside, groaning all the way.

\--

His hand was frigid against her sweltering forehead, the blankets drawn up and around her while her nose throbbed a bright red. “Well you’ve done it now, Ackerman.” Levi sighed as he pulled his hand away. They were two weeks away from their next expedition outside of the walls. The corps couldn’t afford to have one of its best soldiers coughing her lungs out. “You’re burning up.”

“I’m _fine_ , Heichou.” Mikasa said, followed by a hacking and wheezing cough that made Levi’s chest hurt just from _listening_ to it. She looked miserable, curled up in her bed with used tissues littered all around her.

“Tch. Disgusting.” He had mumbled when he first walked in, determined to find her when she had missed both breakfast and morning training. It wasn’t like Mikasa to slack off, so he knew something _had_ to be wrong. His hunch had been correct, and the standard frown on his face had turned into a heavyset groan. “You can’t stay in the barracks. You’ll get everyone else sick.” Mikasa coughed again into the crook of her elbow then plopped her head down against the less-than-luxurious military issue pillows.

“I’m not going to the med bay. You’re not leaving me alone with Hanji.” As much as Levi didn’t want to admit it, her concerns were valid. Still, the idea blooming in the back of his mind was a _bad_ idea. That he knew.

“Get up. You’ll be staying in my quarters.” He crossed his arms tightly over his chest, silently cursing himself for opening his mouth. If she had only been less defiant, then maybe by now she would have made squad leader and would have her own room and this wouldn’t be a problem. _Stupid brat._

“You don’t have to do that.” Mikasa protested before rolling over to her side. She sneezed a few times, each one becoming more powerful until she hit her head on the wall and groaned. There she was, Mikasa Ackerman herself, bested by a flu.

“Get up.” Levi snapped. In a quick motion, he pulled the blankets off of her only to find her shivering beneath them. The captain rolled his eyes and replaced the blankets on top of her, which she graciously accepted, before scooping her up in his arms. Despite being several inches shorter than her, he was able to carry her down the hall with great ease, even as she fidgeted and coughed.

“I don’t need to be carried, Heichou.” Mikasa grumbled from her blanket cocoon, but he either didn’t notice or didn’t care. He laid her down gingerly on his bed and placed a few more blankets down on top of her in an attempt to keep out the chill. She was quite surprised and awfully flushed, though she couldn’t tell if it was because of the illness or the rising tension that built up in her chest whenever she saw Levi. It was becoming quite annoying. She didn’t know if she wanted to punch him or kiss him but she figured one or the other would happen sooner or later.

“I’m making tea. Don’t do anything stupid.” Mikasa nodded and blew her nose into a tissue, though it seemed like nothing would come out and if she blew any harder she’d find brains spotting the tissue. Levi left the room quite noisily, but still she couldn’t help but let her eyes slowly drift shut.

“Ackerman!” Mikasa heard, though she was still too sick and tired to open her eyes. She could recognize the voice, though her fever-hazed brain couldn’t place it. “Ackerman!” It said again, and this time she drew the blankets over her head in order to block it out. There was a mumbling of swears coming from the voice, followed by another shout. “Mikasa!” the blankets were ripped from over her head, and she was forced to open her eyes and look over at Levi. He had placed a pair of teacups on the nightstand next to the bed and he looked rather annoyed, though she could barely focus her eyes on anything long enough to make out specifics.

“Heichou?” She grumbled, then slowly pulled herself up to a sit while trying to keep her head from spinning even more.

“I brought tea.”

“Right…” Levi held out a cup, and Mikasa took it. Her motions were slow and unsteady, completely unlike her normal demeanor. It was strange for her—both being sick and being in the Captain’s bed. It wasn’t much different than the one that she slept in in the barracks. The mattress was of the same firmness and the pillows of the same quality. However, it smelled like Levi; like soap and fresh air and some other note that she couldn’t place. She knew the Captain didn’t particularly sleep much, which was probably why he was allowing her to stay there. Still, it felt odd intruding on such a private space.

Everything in the room was so clean and organized, though that wasn’t particularly a surprise if you had spent even a minute with Levi himself. Levi Ackerman was good at a lot of things—brilliant even. He could take down a crowd of titans without breaking a sweat. He could soar through the air on his 3DMG so effortlessly that even the birds were jealous. He could brew a delightful cup of tea or win a fistfight with someone twice his size or ride a horse in the pouring rain. However, Levi Ackerman had never been particularly great with his people skills. The captain was generally considered abrasive and unorthodox with how he approached people, though he didn’t care much to improve. The few people that saw a different side of Levi were the (now deceased) members of his squad, Erwin Smith, Hanji Zoe, and…

He and Mikasa didn’t always get along. In fact, when they first met she had wanted to skin him alive and use his husk as titan bait. Watching him kick and bloody Eren had made her blood boil and her skin crawl. But here they were nearly five years later with their hands intertwined while enjoying a fleeting moment of peace and silence. Their mission was not yet complete; in fact it seemed like it had been eons since the first time the corps had tried to reach the Jaeger basement. Moments like this were far and few in between.

            Mikasa remembered the exact moment that she had stopped hating the captain. It had been in the forest, when he saved her from Annie: The female-type titan. Mikasa sipped her tea while she tried to blink the memories back from the front of her mind. They were still stiff and unpleasant and now that loss had hit her again in such a significant way… “Heichou.” She said softly under her breath, the sharp and comforting herbal flavor of the tea still lingering on her tongue.

            “Quiet, Mikasa. You should get some rest.” The captain carefully tapped his forehead against hers, feeling the sting of her fever against his skin. Mikasa’s eyes grew wide at the contact, but she slowly nodded and pulled the blankets tighter around her body. “I’ll leave you to sleep…” Levi turned to leave, but her hand shot out to catch his wrist, preventing his leave.

            “Heichou. Stay.” She bit the corner of her cracked lip and tugged him back towards her, though he made no attempt to break from her grasp. Even though every fiber of his being was retching at the idea of willingly placing himself that close to disease he couldn’t say no to her. He couldn’t.

Her hands were still cold on his skin, despite the fever ravaging through her body. Levi took a moment to undo the straps of the 3DMG that criss-crossed his trim and sculpted body, letting the leather and metal fall to the floor with a clang, before he crawled under the blankets with her. Mikasa was cautious as she placed her head onto his chest, feeling the rise and fall of his breath as it lulled her to sleep. While finding a physical object that would please the younger Ackerman had proved to be difficult, if not impossible, Levi wondered if the best gift he could give her was simply the gift of closeness.

The feelings swirling and storming in his chest were too much to bear. He wondered if he would regret this in the morning, but as Mikasa curled up to him he couldn’t help but feel his heart swell. They were humanity’s strongest; humanity’s last hope. Their hands were cold and calloused but they fit together perfectly. He had loved her for a long time, though he hadn’t ever found the words to say it.

 

 

 


End file.
